Aug 02 2009
Country Roads
“Now comes the mystery.” -Henry Ward Beecher
Today started off with making calls to places I have applied to in order to see if they have looked over my resume yet. Sadly all lines were busy or the people never returned my phone calls. I also went to a picnic/party. That gal I mentioned in my previous post, the girl that my third summer date was with, it was her graduation/birthday party/picnic. It was kind of a nice party, but it was a little awkward because I hardly knew anyone there except for her, her ex boyfriend, and two other attendees. Flirtation is kind of difficult when everyone wants to talk to your target and her ex is hanging around. Most of the time I spent talking with the few people I actually knew at the party about classes we took and fond memories. All the while my mind kept wandering off to other topics, other memories, other times, other people. I find that up until recently I always had one foot in the present and the other in some past memory, always half living my life and half wishing I was in another moment either reliving it or perfecting it. I was never really sure why I operated in such a fashion, but I think it’s because to deal with the hum drum of daily life I keep myself mildly entertained in the past; however, being caught in the past is silly when so much new life is left to live.
As I was at the party today I realized that my job search has been kind of bullshit. I’ve been looking, but I feel as though I haven’t been as aggressive as I could be. My entire life I have played the kind and polite person waiting their turn and that doesn’t work in the business world. It is starting to look like I’m going to have to start hunting down these places and getting my face around. When I put it like that it sounds almost like a criminal type thing. This isn’t the only thing I’m going to focus on a lot. I also realized I have a bad habit of chewing gum out of frustration that I’m trying to kick. I burn through packs of gum like nobody’s looking. I’m also going to work on working out by jogging a lot and I might even pick up some running weights.
After the party I drove home through the country roads. There is something fascinating about a country road during a sunset. The sun is hiding behind the trees giving off the illusion of a Monet painting as the car hurdles towards the ever growing shadows that are the trees. When the car is engulfed in the dark nothingness it is almost as if it were night time. I feel a strange connection to driving on country roads at night. There isn’t much thought required. The air blows into the car. It’s almost as if the car isn’t approaching somewhere, but more of the car remaining still in while everywhere rushes past and all I have is time and my thoughts. I highly suggest it, juts don’t forget to look out for deer.
